Beautiful Creature

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”-Emily Bronte 

I know it’s been a while. A long while. Honestly, it’s been the worst summer of my life. So terrible that it’s killed my momentum (just as I previously feared). Actually, its been so bad that it almost killed my young spirit. I didn’t have the words to amplify my emotions. As a writer, this is difficult for me to admit. But today is a good day to start…

Tonight was my 11 year wedding anniversary. Yeah… 11. Eleven. I ask myself “How did we get here so quickly?” Jaime, doesn’t know I’m writing this. We spent the morning together. That’s all we got, breakfast and lunch. We spent it talking, laughing and grocery shopping for his food to head back to work in the blazing desert. While I sit here, in my cotton pink Jungle Book pajamas wishing today could be different, I know he is sitting, drenched in sweat, wishing he could be home, eating a mediocre dinner that I would have cooked up; watching Rick and Morty or Adult Swim.

Jaime is this fun imperfect being (his actions at times are caveman-esque) that I can’t seem to capture in writing, most likely because whatever creative concoction I assemble, wouldn’t suffice to describe his rough yet delightful persona. He doesn’t try to be perfect.  He isn’t predicable. He isn’t always nice. He is just himself. But with me, he is magnificent. I’m not stating that he doesn’t have a difficult personality to deal with at times (who doesn’t) or that our personalities do not collide. But we work. We work so well. He is my partner in crime. He soothes me when I’m hurt and provides the truth even when it’s not pretty.

This summer, my mom was very ill. (I’ll write about this in time…) I think about my mom and I remember weeks of intensive care units, thoughts about the Grimm Reaper lurking every corner of the hospital, insurance documents, stress and overall fear. Fear that I would lose one of my biggest supporters; that my family would not be the same if we lost our matriarch and fear that I wasn’t prepared.  Jaime, on the other hand did not falter. He was the most incredible creature in a mist of chaos.  His serenity during this time was admirable, soothing and overall he was exactly what was needed in my family. His patience and caring nature gave me peace when he would watch over my grandmother; that he would keep my teenage brother at ease, but most importantly that he knew what to say or what I needed and what to do when I was falling apart.

These are the reasons he is beautiful. These are the reasons he is loved by me. These actions are what keep us close and I hope that we never part.

Pop, I love you. Happy Anniversary!

Ciao,

Johan

 

 

 

 

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