Tag Archives: Friends

The Crowning Achievement

This was the aftermath on Sunday night after submitting my Capstone. At this point, I was exhausted, worried, and beyond stressed out.


It’s over. The end of my Capstone was just as chaotic as my desk at the end of the night on Sunday. It ‘s hard for me to admit that it’s all over.

I waited a few days to announce anything, in fear that I wasn’t going to pass. Waiting for the grade to post officially, although I have been informed that I passed.

I couldn’t help but wonder, why I felt so many emotions?  Is this how I am supposed to feel after an achievement of this magnitude?! The mixed feelings that have accompanied me by finishing this degree: relief, disbelief, remorse, pride, excitement, and fear. The clearest of all is the familiar feeling of being lost. What am I going to do now? Should I intern? Do I get a J-O-B? (I mean, let’s be real, those school loans aren’t going to pay for themselves, right?) Do I create jingles? (I do love commercials) Should I write songs? (Although, I can’t play any instruments.) Should I freelance? Maybe I should write for television?

The possibilities are endless, and the unknown is exciting.

Being able to complete this, wasn’t a mission in solitude. It required a lot of emotional support. Many pep talks, Hundreds of liters of coffee, bowls full of Sabra hummus, hugs, shoulders to cry on, out of state and international calls, threats, and let’s not forget the editing!

I wanted to take a moment to say  “Thank you”! For the coffee, the words of encouragement, the threats (yes, threat, not treats), the hugs and the long phone calls. There are too many people to mention! But I know that I have an amazing group of people that support me, support my writing and believe in me. Honestly, I don’t even know how I got to be this lucky.

So, as the final words of my academic career at the University of Denver say:

“I have mentioned before, that like the monsters, myths, and folklore I believe in, I want to be a monster at what I do.”

I hope I’m able to accomplish just that.





Reflection of Friendship

February 14th, 2016-11:07 P.M.-The End of V-Day

Valentine’s Day is over. As I sit in pajamas,  I quietly debate how I’ll tackle the following week. I reflect on the past week, but as for today: I know we have over indulged in sweets, chocolate cookies, reading and cartoons. This is how I know the day is over and well Jaime is asleep. This has given me some time to reflect on my relationships during the last few weeks.

I’ve always related to men. I’ve always considered myself a “Bro”. I like sports, action movies, burgers and wings and I love the laid back environment that comes with befriending men. Maybe it’s because I don’t think I fit in. I don’t think I ever have. Jaime says “It’s because you’re a rebel and women don’t like that.” He likes it, but he is probably right.

My friend Jill and I chat almost everyday. I wonder from time to time if we will ever run out of things to talk about, but this never seems to be the case. Just when I think our conversations can’t get any deeper, I’m wonderfully surprised. The foundation of our friendship isn’t that we have a few things in common. No, Jill and I are friends because we share our dreams and aspirations, our goals and achievements, our fears and insecurities and sometimes we are just plain silly. Friendship isn’t simple. It is complicated. It’s a fucking relationship. You have to work at it; be there for each other, but above all its about acceptance and commitment.

I didn’t have many female friends growing up.  I have two friends from my adolescent era that actively communicate with me. Both are married; one is a mother of two, says “fuck” as much as I do and the other is a pup mom and a lesbian. They’re my friends because they ‘ve always gotten it. They’ve gotten me. And they couldn’t be anymore opposite from each other.

In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself distressed and intricately involved with others interpretation of friendship and what that entails. Friendship doesn’t allow one person to control another; to censor them; to constantly put them down or assume and place blame. Like a relationship, there needs to be trust, balance, love and respect. If these things are lacking, what’s the damn point?

The truth is: I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have time to be playing games with people. And we live in a time when being a catty woman, isn’t cool anymore. But I have also grown tired of explaining,  that to me, friendship isn’t a right, but a privilege. Allowing someone to get to know you, is an honor.

Finally, I can’t close this without stating: We don’t all have to be friends but we have to be civil and respect each other. No?




Lost Friends and Fortune Cookies

I’ve grown accustom to making friends no matter where I go. Actually, I don’t make friends…I do meet people all the time…but I’m not the one that creates a scenario to begin the conversation. Jaime, on the other hand, is the social butterfly that usually walks into a room of 30 people and comes out with 29 friends (because he is the 30th person to walk in). Since I left California, it is easy to estimate that I’ve made friends with  hundreds more of people. (Fun Fact #6: The Kid actually knows everyone on her Facebook account). Coming back stateside, I came back hoping to rekindle my old friendships, but when first arriving, there were tons of things to get adjusted to. So far, I’ve had two friendly encounters, full of long chats and trips down memory lane, new stories, laughter, sad stories, love stories and chaotic chats about babies. Although these two encounters have been lovely, I can’t help but think about my long lost…eh..friends. Yes…Long Lost Friends. Now these are friends that have gone M.I.A. or worse…we’ve argued over pettiness and have lost the desire to continue being my friends or have no desire to have contact with me. Believe it or not, I’ve experienced this a whole lot more than what I would like to admit, the ditching out on me…of course.

Due to these incidents,  I constantly find myself with very little to no closure. That’s the real bitch.

After lunch on Sunday, I couldn’t help but feel terrible for doing this exact same thing to my friends. I find comfort in knowing that I didn’t do it on purpose and I just got married and left. It wasn’t anything personal. As I drove home I reflected on how much our lives had changed, how much we grew up, how our values were somewhat the same and how some of us really evolved. Discovering this was the best part.

Most of the time, when I feel conflicted in this manner, I have one solution…Chinese food. Not because of the actual food but in the past the fortune cookie has offered me comfort. At one point, after having a dear friend prove to me how unethical she was, the cookie stated “You are better than them”. (I could not agree more…my oriental friend!) Searching for comfort, the next day I saw out some quality Chinese food. I finished my meal and found this:


I’m currently writing this blog post from the comfort of my couch since…I pulled my lower back about an hour after I found this. In hopes that this was a fluke, Jaime bought me Chinese food today, when I asked him for the fortune cookie he simply stated ” They didn’t give me one”. Hmmm… apparently I have no fortune!

All I have to say is… You FAT Panda…you’re a fucking fraud….I guess my “No Closure” list continues to grow, the Panda won’t even send me a damn cookie.




Happy New Year!!! Is it too late to say Happy New Year? Let’s just pretend that it isn’t…okay?…okay!

Dear friends, family, enemies, and readers from 23 countries,

It has been 36 days since my last post…I’m SO Sorry! I have abandoned you during the Holidays. During those 30 plus days, that I have been away, I’ve rediscovered a ton of things about California/America that I had forgotten about or have  completely changed.

(NOTE: I know there is going to be some Asshole out there saying “Um, this isn’t new” (throughout the next few entries in this blog.) Here is my response: you try living overseas for six years, where everyone is not addicted to technology and isn’t driving like a maniac everywhere because whatever everyone is doing is so much more important than the driver next to you. Please forgiving me for being a bit slower paced.)

One thing I have discovered about myself (and many, many, many Americans take for granted) is my love for commercials. I know….pretty damn pathetic…but I love them. As a matter of fact, I didn’t know I loved them so much until I rediscovered them. In Germany, we didn’t have the luxury of viewing American commercials.  As lame as you may believe this entry maybe, I couldn’t go on writing about my experience back home, without describing the moment I realized my parents had a DVR. I watched them in utter shock when they fast forwarded every commercial that came their way. All I thought was “what’s the rush?” or “That’s a good one!” or “What are they advertising?”.  I know, that DVR’s are not a new technology, but it was not a mainstream item when I still lived in America last.

The following are my favorites:

“Aaaah Push it”

The Geico commercial. I love this thing, to the point where I stop rewind this commercial. I dance along to it, sing it, and repeatedly laugh at the end. Take a look:

Source: Youtube

“Johnny JamBoogie”

I love it because I can relate. Not in the “I’m a quarterback”…kinda way, but definitely in the “I’m not acting like myself because i’m hangry kind of way” (NOTE: I don’t watch football. In all honesty, I don’t understand it and I do not pretend too… SO…this doesn’t mean, I am a fan of Johnny Manziel. BUT if anyone would like to take the time to throw back a beer and some hot wings and teach me all about the sport…I’m totally down for that!)

Source: Youtube

“What D’ya get?”

One line! Repeatedly! By toys! In 30 seconds I was brought back to childhood excitement about Christmas.

Source: Youtube

“I HATE Budweiser commercials”

Yes, I have been quoted for saying this every time Budweiser has a new commercial. No offense to them, their cinematography is always fantastic, but why are they always so sad? Or So happy that people around get super sentimental…But this one, THIS ONE…I Love. Most likely because in all honesty, I miss my “buds”!  (The extended version of this commercial is so much better, if you have some time look it up)

Source: Youtube

Which one is was your favorite?

Until next time!!!!






[mel-uh n-kol-ik]


disposed to or affected with melancholy; gloomy.

of, pertaining to, or affected with melancholia.
When I first thought about writing this week, my blog was going to revolve around a handkerchief. Actually, this handkerchief is what brought this on, but better evaluating my feelings….the reality is…i’m melancholic. I am trying really hard to keep a good front…keep up the facade that i’m okay. The truth is…i’m happy about moving home, but 6 years overseas is a long time. I’ve made Germany my home. AND lately, I have had an amazing time. The handkerchief was an unexpected gift. See, when I receive going away gifts it is always a gift certificate to an American restaurant or store, but a handkerchief is an adult gift. A sophisticated adult gift. It has been gifted with sentiment and thought. At first, I joked about how I would wear it as a headband or head piece as I photograph scorpions in the desert while wearing a cowboy hat and ray bans. The truth is, I immediately felt an attachment to this. This handkerchief is being gifted with much more meaning. I believe this piece of cloth will help me in my transition. Last week as I said good bye to our friend Michael as he left to the UK; last night, as I watched my husband Jaime write endearing messages on a rock at his favorite brewery in Schwetzigen; tonight as I watched Jaime and my friends Jake and Jill laugh and enjoy our dinner; or even speaking to Airwrecka and Lindsey about making plans for our last day together, I felt that I should have had that handkerchief on hand. Whether it be to dry my tears of sadness for leaving my loved friends; tears of joy for greeting my mom at LAX or drying the sweat off my forehead at the unbearable heat in the desert or even from the nervousness of photographing this imaginary scorpion, this handkerchief should be on hand.
Kathleen, Thank you for this wonderful gift. It means much more than you could have ever imagined.
Until next time…

The End of An Era

LastDayWhen first starting a job, they always give you a set of rules. What to wear, how to speak, how to treat people, and pretty much…what to do. The part they never warn you about…is getting attached. Not just to your job, but to the people you work with.

When watching movies about cops (I know what your thinking…”where is she going with this?”) whenever one cop would say “I’m going to request a transfer…” and their partner was angry, I never understood that until now. (NO…I am not angry.) I had been working with my partner in crime, Airwrecka for a little over 2 years. During this time, she has become family to me. We laugh (a lot), we fight, we help each other and we annoy each other. She calls me a lazy blogger, I turn off her computer screen, she messes my aligned pens up , I pull her mouse…you know…the usual stuff. Last Friday was our last day working together. She got a promotion and I am happy for her. She deserves it, she is by far the most hard working woman I have ever met and had the privilege of working with. I’m sad for the time we will no longer spend together, but extremely happy for her! Yesterday, was my last day. Although, my new colleague and I only worked together for a week, I was sad to leave her as well.

I will not be employed for a hot minute. Most likely until I finish my degree. In all honesty, this makes me nervous. I know that working and completing  a Master’s is more important than working (if I could afford it), but there is this sense of closure I get from leaving my current job. Not only will I miss Airwrecka and the rest of the staff, but I will also miss my other colleagues, Lindsey G, Smelly Cat and Alyssa that are more than just friends to me, but family. I know I will see them again because a) some have family on the west coast, b) they all enjoy traveling and c) Really? I mean, do I really have to say it….they love me!, but although this is not goodbye and more like a “see you later” it really is “The End of An Era”. Which leads me to my next concern…when everything seems to be going well, I am beginning to feel a little lost again.