Tag Archives: Love

OMG…My Little Sister is Getting Married!!!

In my adult life, I have never really considered myself a “romantic.” The word itself gives me an icky feeling. See…I romanticize about places, words, music. Let’s be real for a moment…are you prepared? Good… I’ll break it down for you.  I’m 32, my romantic education consists of watching my single male friends use Tinder or Plenty of Fish and listening to their tall tales of painful breakups. Also, I’ve watched some of my best friends named Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha battle it out every half hour with the opposite sex. Not to mention, I’ve been horrendously heartbroken before, and as much as you get over it, the memory of that emotion always remains raw. Frankly, when I see teenage couples, I can’t help but think… “They’re not going to make it…” (I know, I’m an asshole.)

And then, this happened… Continue reading OMG…My Little Sister is Getting Married!!!

Beautiful Creature

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”-Emily Bronte 

I know it’s been a while. A long while. Honestly, it’s been the worst summer of my life. So terrible that it’s killed my momentum (just as I previously feared). Actually, its been so bad that it almost killed my young spirit. I didn’t have the words to amplify my emotions. As a writer, this is difficult for me to admit. But today is a good day to start…

Tonight was my 11 year wedding anniversary. Yeah… 11. Eleven. I ask myself “How did we get here so quickly?” Jaime, doesn’t know I’m writing this. We spent the morning together. That’s all we got, breakfast and lunch. We spent it talking, laughing and grocery shopping for his food to head back to work in the blazing desert. While I sit here, in my cotton pink Jungle Book pajamas wishing today could be different, I know he is sitting, drenched in sweat, wishing he could be home, eating a mediocre dinner that I would have cooked up; watching Rick and Morty or Adult Swim.

Jaime is this fun imperfect being (his actions at times are caveman-esque) that I can’t seem to capture in writing, most likely because whatever creative concoction I assemble, wouldn’t suffice to describe his rough yet delightful persona. He doesn’t try to be perfect.  He isn’t predicable. He isn’t always nice. He is just himself. But with me, he is magnificent. I’m not stating that he doesn’t have a difficult personality to deal with at times (who doesn’t) or that our personalities do not collide. But we work. We work so well. He is my partner in crime. He soothes me when I’m hurt and provides the truth even when it’s not pretty.

This summer, my mom was very ill. (I’ll write about this in time…) I think about my mom and I remember weeks of intensive care units, thoughts about the Grimm Reaper lurking every corner of the hospital, insurance documents, stress and overall fear. Fear that I would lose one of my biggest supporters; that my family would not be the same if we lost our matriarch and fear that I wasn’t prepared.  Jaime, on the other hand did not falter. He was the most incredible creature in a mist of chaos.  His serenity during this time was admirable, soothing and overall he was exactly what was needed in my family. His patience and caring nature gave me peace when he would watch over my grandmother; that he would keep my teenage brother at ease, but most importantly that he knew what to say or what I needed and what to do when I was falling apart.

These are the reasons he is beautiful. These are the reasons he is loved by me. These actions are what keep us close and I hope that we never part.

Pop, I love you. Happy Anniversary!

Ciao,

Johan

 

 

 

 

Reflection of Friendship

February 14th, 2016-11:07 P.M.-The End of V-Day

Valentine’s Day is over. As I sit in pajamas,  I quietly debate how I’ll tackle the following week. I reflect on the past week, but as for today: I know we have over indulged in sweets, chocolate cookies, reading and cartoons. This is how I know the day is over and well Jaime is asleep. This has given me some time to reflect on my relationships during the last few weeks.

I’ve always related to men. I’ve always considered myself a “Bro”. I like sports, action movies, burgers and wings and I love the laid back environment that comes with befriending men. Maybe it’s because I don’t think I fit in. I don’t think I ever have. Jaime says “It’s because you’re a rebel and women don’t like that.” He likes it, but he is probably right.

My friend Jill and I chat almost everyday. I wonder from time to time if we will ever run out of things to talk about, but this never seems to be the case. Just when I think our conversations can’t get any deeper, I’m wonderfully surprised. The foundation of our friendship isn’t that we have a few things in common. No, Jill and I are friends because we share our dreams and aspirations, our goals and achievements, our fears and insecurities and sometimes we are just plain silly. Friendship isn’t simple. It is complicated. It’s a fucking relationship. You have to work at it; be there for each other, but above all its about acceptance and commitment.

I didn’t have many female friends growing up.  I have two friends from my adolescent era that actively communicate with me. Both are married; one is a mother of two, says “fuck” as much as I do and the other is a pup mom and a lesbian. They’re my friends because they ‘ve always gotten it. They’ve gotten me. And they couldn’t be anymore opposite from each other.

In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself distressed and intricately involved with others interpretation of friendship and what that entails. Friendship doesn’t allow one person to control another; to censor them; to constantly put them down or assume and place blame. Like a relationship, there needs to be trust, balance, love and respect. If these things are lacking, what’s the damn point?

The truth is: I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have time to be playing games with people. And we live in a time when being a catty woman, isn’t cool anymore. But I have also grown tired of explaining,  that to me, friendship isn’t a right, but a privilege. Allowing someone to get to know you, is an honor.

Finally, I can’t close this without stating: We don’t all have to be friends but we have to be civil and respect each other. No?

Ciao

-Johana

 

The Truth About Us

Tuesday, September 2nd was my wedding anniversary. I had plans of writing about Our special day. Interestingly enough, right before I jumped in my car at the end of my work day to write in the quietness and comfort of my home, I fell in a deep conversation with my friend Josh about people, reality and love. At one point Josh stated, “I don’t like your reality…” and I know he said this because I have a talent for reading people phenomenally well. The truth is the kid doesn’t like when I give him my version of what “The Real World” is like. And in all honesty, it isn’t fair that I give him crude examples of how shitty people can really be. After this convo with Josh (A.K.A. Smelly Cat) I realized that what I had initially thought about writing about my anniversary no longer had validity because all the passion I would have put in my writing was gone. So instead I want to share a small story of the moment I confirmed Jaime is THE ONE. (FYI….FUN FACT ABOUT JOHANA #2: The Kid did not believe in the ideology of THE ONE while growing up.)

Jaime and I took advantage of some time off and went to Barcelona, Spain. While we were there, one morning we were enjoying some fresh fruit, juice, cured ham, and some warm empanadas. As we ate, we raved at how amazing this tiny cup of juice was, we noticed an old homeless man walking around begging for money. As we observed him, we noticed many people ignored him or shooed him away. He finally walked up to us, and asked for money. Jaime responded to him in Spanish and said “I do not have change to give you BRO. But if you would like some fruit, empanadas and juice you are more than welcome to have mine.” (YEAH…Jaime said “BRO”). He stared at Jaime and shrugged his shoulders and said “Gracias“. Jaime gave him his food and although the encounter was brief, it melted my heart. As I stood there, silent and teary eyed, I thought, “I’m so proud that this guy is MY husband”.

I love him. I give him a lot of grief, and he drives me insane, but I love him. I know what you are thinking “Typical… she is about to get extremely fuzzy and loving…” but in all honesty, fuzziness is not my forte. I won’t pretend marriage is not difficult, it has a million wonderful moments, but the reality of marriage is…it is hard work. Of course, I understand that every relationship is different…but they all have their own set of problems. I didn’t want to write about how much we love each other and how wonderful our life has been and how we are just a perfect couple, because we aren’t!.  Sure we laugh, we enjoy each others company, we are best friends, and I truly believe we bring out the best in each other. BUT (it’s a big BUTT too) that doesn’t mean that sometimes we don’t disagree (for example, he likes the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim….What the HELL is that?….That’s not even in LOS ANGELES…UGH…Anyway…moving on), we bicker and at times the arguements are so ridiculous that we question….”Why are we arguing again?”.

Here is the truth…neither one of us is perfect. We are both flawed, but this is what makes our relationship worth it. What I mean is, I know he loves me because he puts up with me when I am stressed out, moody and at times unbearable with my narisictic neuroticism, but Jaime never makes me feel terrible for this…at the end of the day, he makes me feel like I’m perfect.

With all of that said, Jaimito… Thank you for being the best travel partner (Primarily for taking me wherever I wanted to go), Thank you for taking care of me and Morrison (we appreciate it), Thank you for going to Culinary school before we got married (Because YOU really are the best cook i’ve ever encountered and lets face it, we would be roughin’ it up right now because I do not cook as well as you do) and lastly, Thank you for growing up to be the man i’ve always wanted to marry. I fucking love you! 

 

Ciao,

Johana

 

 

Word Worthy Week

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 In an effort to be more positive, once a week I will be posting highlights of my week and anything I am grateful for!  

My Pusher

Oh My Pusher…FUCK I love her! She is one of my best friends. She constantly tells me when I am wrong and she fights me to the death!  She corrects my mental state when it is faulting. She states things like “REALLY? You have that many views on your blog? I’m surprised…considering you are the laziest blogger!”. And although, this may sound like an insult, it is not when it is coming from her. She knows what it takes to get Johana to tinker and she understands the complexities that come with being my friend. She knows that I am always in my head and constantly reminds me to stop thinking and just “GET IT DONE!”. Mrs. Field, for this I am eternally grateful. And although at times, it looks like I do not want to hear it and I am not fully content…I want you to know that I am always very thankful in the end. Um…I love you….Bro?…No?…Airwrecka?

Oh Sweet Elizabeth! 

My friend Elizabeth is a strong woman. As a matter of fact what I love about her is she doesn’t put up with bullshit. Elizabeth has such a kind heart, she is so thoughtful that she brought me flowers this week, with every intention to cheer me up.  Thank you Elizabeth for the flowers, it really means a lot to me! I am so grateful to have you as a friend!

The Universal Language 

Living in Germany, I constantly run into the language barrier when trying to have a conversation. Actually, I feel lost all of the time, I talk with my hands in general, but when trying to explain something complex in German…I think…”Screw it…forget it”. In my small village, I have very friendly neighbors. They are so lovely and constantly invite my husband and I over for drinks and snacks. I find myself constantly trying to comprehend what is being said and repeating and asking “what does that mean?”. Since I do not understand they just give me shots of homemade schnapps and I say “OKAY” and end up really liquored up. This week, I had a very different experience. My neighbors have daughter, her name is  Natalie. Natalie is speaks enough English, and I speak very poor German, I could not think of a way to bond with her. I mean, she is half my age, we do not speak the same language and I am a hispanic city kid from Los Angeles…what could her and I possibly have in common? BUT Natalie is a smart kid and as I searched for Wi-Fi on my IPad, she noticed my music list (I like to call it “Joey’s Jukebox”…but whatever). We quickly began singing Beatles/Queen songs, recited lyrics to each other, and watched new artists on YouTube. Music, once again, has shown me that it is universal, no matter where you are from.

Parking Lot Birthday Song

We think birthdays are important. SO, it is no surprise that we love getting together with our friends for their birthdays. We love going out to dinner, ordering a few bottles of wine, smoking hookah, dancing and once we even went to Prague to celebrate (OH MAN…That is a story for another time). Saturday was our friend Joao’s birthday. We spent the evening eating sushi at Haru (Remember, the Sushi restaurant from “Lions and Tigers and Sushi, Oh My day at The Nuremberg Zoo“?) with our friends Joao, Harper, Angela and Willy P. After a late dinner, Joao, Jaime and I went out to smoke hookah and after a few hours of drinking, chatting and smoking we decided to call it a night. On our way home, my husband said “JOAO….WE DIDN’T GET YOU A CAKE!”. SO at 3 AM, we stopped at a Shell gas station to find anything that resembled a pastry. Jaime came back with a donut and sang Happy Birthday to Joao in the Shell parking lot. When Jaime finished Joao took a bite and said “I love you Bro”. Moments like these between Us and our friends make me cherish our friendship even more.

Do you have any highlights to share? Or anything you want to mention that your grateful for? I would love to hear them! 

Ciao!

Johana

El Fotógrafo and the Ayatollah of Rocknrolla

Everytime we take a trip I learn something new. I make it a point to go to a few museums, take a tour, visit a palace or visit a historical location. I have visited several locations that have made me appreciate history, art, music, and even myself. But during our visit to Amsterdam and Paris, I found myself in complete admiration and appreciation for a common human understanding…friendship.  I have never had this happen before.

My husband Jaime (the Ayatollah of Rocknrolla as he calls himself) has one of the most amazing friends that God could have possibly put on this earth for him. Honestly, I am ridiculously jealous of their friendship. Not about how they love each other or the time they spend together (because trust me, it is not enough) but the idea that my husband and Luis have had the honor of being buddies since they were kids; i’m jealous that I love Luis so much that I am jealous I didn’t meet him first and I am not his primary friend; and extremely resentful that it took my husband 9 years to get Luis and I get to know each other better (in turn, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS JAIME).

 

 

The love they have for each other goes beyond a fad bromance. Not only does Luis advise Jaime that he should not play loud music at the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris (because everyone visiting is not there just for Jim Morrison), but he makes sure to discreetly order water for Jaime when he has had too much of the drink the night before and offers up his salad when he knows that Jaime is still hungry after devouring a regular burger. And my husband, being the loving best friend he is, becomes exhilarted sharing european beers, foods and experiences with Luis and is willing to walk the streets of Amsterdam at the wee hours of the night  to make sure that the rest of our posse make it back to our room safely. Personally, it is very humbling to be near them or listen to them talk to each other, especially because I am a true believer that your friends are the family you get to pick.

What I admire the most of their friendship is that they might as well be as different as day and night. Although, they are both funny and are highly entertaining, my husband is highly eccentric, loud and very young spirited. Luis, on the other hand, is more rational and level headed. One thing they do have in common, is their lack of auditory perception. Jaime and Luis decided to take a short trip to Prague with our other guests before their flight back to California. I had made one small request, they had one job. When they return, they were proud to gift me with a 12 pack of Czech Budweiser. I sat there…puzzled, and they both said “you said you wanted a Budweiser pack”. I quickly respond and say “UM…I said BUDWEISER PLAQUE”.

In Amsterdam, after a few pictures that Luis took I realized that he may see things in a different light than we did. At first, I thought it could possibly be that I had been to Amsterdam plenty of times before and maybe there wasn’t anything new that I wanted to photograph, but when we arrived in Paris and I compared my pictures to his, I thought “Yeah…I suck, I am not a good photographer”. In honor of my new found friendship with Luis (El Fotógrafo), I wanted to give him props (kudos) for discovering a talent while we were gallivanting around Europe. The boy can take amazing pictures! His picture can make a home body immediately wanderlust.

Lastly, I look forward to moving home to see their friendship grow and catch up on all of the years that they have missed out. And who knows, someday I may win the lotto and ElFotógrafo, the Ayatollah of Rocknrolla and our families could move into that 5 story home in Amsterdam that we admired near the Museumplein.

Does your significant other have friends that you love? Or do you have a friendship like this?

What do you think of El Fotógrafo’s pictures? Which one is your favorite?

Ciao,

Johana